Monday, December 14, 2009
As I gaze up into your eyes,.
I can't help but notice all the warmth you truly hold.
Through your eyes I see your soul,
Bare untouched and still whole.
You love me, Already I know.
Looking up into your eyes,
All my problems fade and fall away.
Looking up into your eyes,
Makes me fall in love with you over and over again.
It's like looking through open doors,
Revealing secrets, That was never meant to be said and known.
Looking into your eyes,
I can see your every thought.
Telling me what your sorrows has brought.
And the bitter fight for life and happiness.
There's no crying beneath the skies,
There's no hiding behind your eyes.
They tell your every feeling,
They tell me you love me,
And you'll always hold me near.You eyes don't lie,For they open the door of possibilities.You're heart can't conceal,For it yearns to be caressed.Come home soon,As the moon and stars wait for you.Embrace these feelings,These feelings of truth.We'll bridge that gap,And hand in hand,We'll runawayTo our hopes and dreams.I miss you dear...
7:04 AM
Sunday, December 13, 2009
BONJOURHello there again in like how many months? Ouh yea right. 5 MONTHS. It has been 5 freaking months since I've updated this dead blog. It's like the blog had just risen from the dead.HAHAHA.Well anyway, since you finger-itchy readers came to my blog, you must be really bored. REALLY BORED. Or you're just a brown noser with a hidden agenda. Hmm....well in any case, you guys must have realised by now that there's some changes made to this blog. If you have not realised, I'll suggest you refresh your page or even better, squeeze some lemon in your eyes. Hahaha. Well sorry for the crude humour. It's just that it has been so long since i rant random and utterly silly stuff at this old dame.Hmm well you guys know that I'll only do some drastic changes to my blog if only I feel that I'm embarking on a whole new world, somewhere in between reality and fantasy right? In other words, I feel that I've just began a new chapter in my life.The Dawn Of New TidingsSounds like an epilogue of The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy. I'm a big fan of it anyway. Okay, enough of this irrelevant and preposterous nonsense. I'll stop yapping and let these pictures weave you a fairy tale in your minds. Happy unweaving(:
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2:57 AM
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
CRUMBLING.
Things aren't so good afterall. I don't think anything will be going real smooth anytime soon. Work just keeps piling up and I still have to cover a lot of topics that i've missed. Well, its just unfair that I'm the only one struggling like hell and the rest are so relax or just "on-task". This is what I get for being sick and away for two weeks which I didn't ask for. Exams are just round the corner and here I am still struggling to catch up. How am I going to have time to do a thorough revision of every single topic of every single module? All this stress and pressure is really killing me.
I don't get incentives. I'm not spared. All work dued are the same for me. I have so much lesser time to get everything done and I don't mind if it's one or two module. BUT ITS ALL SIX OF THEM. I'm really lost. I can't say, "If only this didn't happen....then this won't happen..." because this is god's will and I can't question and doubt his power and abilities.
I'm having doubts in myself whether I can challenge myself to overcome this obstacle. I have lost my confidence. Give me some strength from the above so that I can have the courage to stand up and overcome this hurdle. I need you."Gone with the evening glow..."
12:10 AM
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
STUPID.
FAILURE.
INCAPABLE.
DUMB.
These are the words that I've been thrust upon my face since I've returned back to school after missing in action for 2 whole weeks. I feel like I have to let it out first even before I start studying. Seriously, I really feel stupid now. I returned back to school not knowing what to expect. I'm really lost in lessons, not being able to catch up. Common test results came in and it ain't that good. I got a fail and just average results for the others. I don't understand why my other classmates who are not as serious as I am being able to do so well. I feel so stupid. I put my heart and soul in studying and the results that I get is like shit.
I feel that I can't even catch up in time for the end of semester exams in like 3 weeks? This is so demoralizing. And it doesn't help when there are people calling you stupid and incapable. It sucks being in my situation. Got hospitalised and all good that has befallen me is struggling through my god damn lessons! People don't realise that the words they use hurts me although I may seem ignorant towards it and even laugh together with them. I'm just so disappointed. Nobody understands me. Nobody. I thought you understood how I'm feeling and what I'm going through but sometimes you take too long or even never realise it. I'm all alone.
I've thought that when we were in secondary school, we knew exactly where we wanna go, what we wanna be. But all we see is the end of that journey. We fail to see and overlook the process of that journey. We may say that we know what we have to go through the journey or how is it like to achieve it. But we don't really know what is there in store for us and we fail to prepare. We fail when thrust upon the responsibility to choose your path, to decide for your own future. Leaving secondary school means leaving your fantasy and stepping into the real world. Nobody will ever give you a second chance to prove yourself. Nobody will ever be so nice to you and offering you a hand. And now I've felt that I've failed to prepare well for the course of my life and I'm not ready for the real world.
The constant pressure, expectations from different individuals is the reason to my downfall. I've been struggling to please at the expense of my own happiness. Sometimes I've wondered why did I even recover? I'm at the lowest point of my life now with everything seems to be exactly the opposite to what I imagined it was supposed to be. My self-esteem and confidence had been crushed unknowingly by different individuals that I don't wish to name and its hard for me to recover from it. I don't know how long more can I last...I need you..."Crushed at the hands of the very people that I care and love..."
9:47 PM
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
HELLO!(:Okay so far since the last time I've updated, there were a lot of things that happened. Firstly, me, hassan and jem went to IKEA after making our jerseys at queensway. I know you guys must be wondering what the hell are we doing there. CAM-WHORING. HAHAHA. Yes I know its damn gay but we were bored then. Did stupid poses. Recently I just had an important surgery at my abdomen area. That weekend before school reopens, I had appendicits. I was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night and only had my appendix removed the next morning. I tell you the pain was horrible. From the start till the end. It was so painful that i was injected with morphine lots of time. You just have to go through it to understand the pain. I can't stand, sit and even urinate properly. Now i'm slowly recovering.Yea anyway basically I've been playing soccer a lot, swimming and running long distances. I don't really know where all this inspiration comes from. I just feel like achieving something big in my life. Something that I can feel proud of when i look back at my old days when I'm all wrinkled. Because I realised all my life, I haven't achieved anything that i'm really proud of. I don't know why I feel so miserable. I guess I've been reflecting and thinking a lot. Maybe it's because I'm seeing people around me being successful in what they do. And i envy that. All my life it's all about failure. Failure to meet my parents expectation, failure to even meet my own expectation, failure of words towards my fellow team mates and it just keeps going on and on... I know you guys will say that it's not the destination that's all important but it's the journey. Yes i know that. But that journey just keeps going on and on. And sometimes, the destination is important to open our eyes and see that there is still something to live for, something to thrive for. There's only failure in sight. It's as though i'm blindly chasing a mirage, chasing something i'm never meant to have, to achieve. Yes i envy people who are successful and i want to be successful myself but i don't ever want to claim any kind of fame. This is the main ingredient to the fall of even the most innocent and humble ones. This menace robs off their dignity, pride and self respect. I've been trying so hard all my life to be noticed, but do I even get a chance? No. I just want to make something good out of my life...I'm tired of all this...I don't even know why I'm trying so hard....to get noticed? Dream on. Well all odds are against me and I am afterall a disappointment and failure to the eyes of those who even notice me."Blinded by hopes and dreams..."
11:40 PM
Friday, June 19, 2009
Things that we've been doing lately(:
MR COOKIE!!!
Who is who?hmmm....
When the whole world is against me
When everything's a bliss
cute(;
Well life has been u knw full of deep shits but at the end of the day, there's always something or someone that never fails to cheer you up and put a smile on ur face. Well, poly has been great, meeting new great friends and of course some douche bags with such uniques personalities(though they aren't as gd as the mats.haha). I guess my course is REALLY dry sometimes but overall i think its ok. Been working hard lately. No more joking around. Recently, I've been hearing voices and having weird dreams that totally correspond to each other. They told me to make the change that the world needs. I don't know what it exactly means or how am I suppose to do it but all I know is I have to start working hard and have goals in life. And I need YOU to support me(:Well it's june already and as you guys know, I'm having my mid-semester break now. O'levels are coming pretty quick and its not as if I'm sitting for it. I have three relatives of mine taking the exam this year. Well they shld have no problem doing well i guess.haha. And for my dearest, all the best!(: I know what you're going through and you may think that what you're up against is really demoralising but trust me, it ain't too bad for you compared to me(: I'm not trying to compare our capabilities here...I'm just doing my best to tell you that you are better off than me last year and you have so much potential to do well and I HAVE faith in you. I'll always be there for you(: I know times have been tough for you but hey I know you can do it and you can't give up. I know you won't. Basically, a lot of things have changed. Or even maybe everything has changed. Nothing's the same and I guess nothing last and stays the same. Some people change for the good, while some, for the worst. Oh yes I have seen these people and I personally know them. Well that includes me(: I bid them good luck in all their endeavours. One thing that I've learnt so far this year is that in situations, people change. People can't choose the changes they want to make. The situation that they are in makes these changes for them without even noticing it. Well that's simply sucks and sad.Well I got lots of things to say but there's so little time. Well maybe it's because I'm just lazy.hehe. Will blog again real soon. Bye bye. Tata.
"Unrelenting sorrows brimming the void..."
12:24 AM
